Life is moments

. The poem above was written during cancer; however, there are still things that ring true in my life almost nine years later. I always feel all these emotions, and I still get surprised when I’ve had five days where I feel sad, then wake up today and feel happy again.

Thanksgiving 2019

Good Morning. We did something different this year for thanksgiving. We went to the beach and saw butterflies. Then on Black Friday we decorated our Living Room for Christmas. It was relaxing and beautiful. [ Dispute Over Jesus’ Testimony ] When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever…

The mind of a hopeless romantic

What is love? Is it a love where you will be with someone even though you can never physically touch them? Or a love where it’s a partnership? Or is it the meeting of the minds? A shared experience? Or just enjoying the beauty of life together? Is love sacrificial or self-sabotaging? Is love eternal or just instant? Or finally is love just only two beings sharing the same air and watching a movie in their living room.

Change my mind

Jesus spent time listening, caring, serving, and finally being with people, and if they didn’t agree with him, he still loved them prayed for them, and eventually forgave them. His last act before death was praying for them and pleaded for their forgiveness for their sins.

A trend avoider

set my own path and often are hit with bumps and bruises from exploring unbroken terrain. It’s even funny because there are things that I have loved for years that other people didn’t, or it didn’t as much recognition. Sometimes that shifts and all of a sudden, there are a million products for this character or tv show. And suddenly, I feel like the world has caught up.

My wellbeing well

In the weeks that I feel faint, I become more aware of blessings, or I am more open to counting my blessings. Everything thing is a blessing. From a cup a tea to sitting with my husband and talking about fandoms. It is those moments that are blessings with beauty if I can be intentional.

Kindness Matters

Kindness matters. The smallest thing if it is done in kindness, it matters. God commanded this in the repeated verses about kindness. It makes me believe that in biblical times, unkindness was the norm. Today it has morphed into mean comments on the internet or being unkind as a habit.

Guarding My Emotions

I have been learning the only way to allow my hurting to be acknowledged is to verbally speak my emotions. It might be hard, and to others, it might appear weak; however, this is the only way for myself to grow. To be okay, verbalizing what I am feeling. 

Things I’ve learned from my mom

Every battle my mom showed grace and respect. Instead of using her anger and frustration to overwhelm her perspective, she listened to all concerns and used grace and respect to come to a conclusion. Conflicts with others happen; however, the only way to get to a compromise is through listening, respect, and grace.

Things that Nobody told me about Cancer

I am different now. I like Cheesecake now. I have a cancer card, but I don’t play it very often. I am not defined as a Cancer patient. I am a writer, I am a poet, I am a fanfiction writer, I love Disney. I watch Netflix and youtube. I live my life with movie quotes and bible verses. I am a shipper and a music junky. I love to travel and still enjoy the beach. I make friends carefully now. I pray more. I cry more. The world is still deafening at times but also very quiet. I found that the Fandom community is amiable but can also be very mean. September is hard every year, October brings a new wind and promise of beauty, and life and surviving. I’ve learned it’s okay to be melancholy. 

Monday Musings

I have glimpses of where God needs me. How well I work with special needs individuals. My love for writing. How sometimes a significant change that I balk and avoid. However, when I embrace it is secure.

Today blogging is hard

Today is when Blogging is hard. Today is one of those days where I am struggling with what to type.  I had three weeks of moments where I struggled, and then like any storm, there was a break, and last week was typical. Even boring. Now that I am reflecting, I am glad that I…

Pocket Blessings

This has impacted my days so much and the fact it was delivered from a friend. Make it feel like I am having coffee(even though I’m not a coffee drinker) with a friend. In truth I am, I am spending time with my Heavenly Father and learning about him and how he loves me.

National Parks

I was also truly grateful that my parents instilled that going to National Parks is essential. It is truly amazing when you visit a place that the founders of our country decided to preserve just because of the beauty of the area.

How am I?

God has blessed me. And even if I am tired or my emotional compacity is lower. I am here to experience it today. And some days are hard but not unbearable. I still get the chance to show up, and that is the most vital blessing.

Anniversaries

Listening to God’s voice is sometimes heard through the noise of the world; however, it is ever-present and often a whisper. And when you look and make a point to listen, the peace that follows is unexplained.

Disney World 2019

Finally, Unplug. I didn’t check emails, I took pictures and spent time with family. However, don’t spend the entire vacation from the view of the viewfinder. Take part in the moments and watch for the magic. Enjoy the snacks, enjoy the characters, and finally breath. I honestly was able to have a break, and it was beautiful.

Trees

I especially love the beauty of the sun bursting through the leaves. To me, it reminds me that God often breaks through to me like the sun, and he has always been there.

Worst Case Scenarios

It’s not something I am proud of, but that just where my brain goes. The only time I didn’t expect the worst was when I was diagnosed with cancer. I know here is another blog about cancer, but it’s May. And much like Septemeber, I always feel more competitive about my cancer story.

Honesty

I need to be kinder to myself. I need to cut myself a break when I struggle with fandom or with what someone says something not so lovely. I need to forgive myself for the mistakes I made. I need to acknowledge that sometimes I am tired and that it's okay to nap. And by taking a nap does not mean my Cancer has come back. I need to be honest with myself.

Today

Today I am thankful for Christ and his sacrifice, that I am forgiven and loved by the creator of the universe. I am grateful for my readers, who allow me to write and be a writer who has been my dream for years. I am thankful for the hope that comes with sunrises. I am grateful for mornings like today where the anxiety is not drowning me.

Back at Square 1

Life sometimes is taking two steps forward and sometimes 3 steps back and with challenges makes us grow. They help us mature and become more whole. This is the way that God designed it, and yes sometimes I get frustrated and stressed. But I also know that God provides, he knows my heart and that someday those wants will be granted. It is about being patient and entirely relying on God even during bad times.