Kindness Matters

Kindness matters. The smallest thing if it is done in kindness, it matters. God commanded this in the repeated verses about kindness. It makes me believe that in biblical times, unkindness was the norm. Today it has morphed into mean comments on the internet or being unkind as a habit.

Guarding My Emotions

I have been learning the only way to allow my hurting to be acknowledged is to verbally speak my emotions. It might be hard, and to others, it might appear weak; however, this is the only way for myself to grow. To be okay, verbalizing what I am feeling. 

Things I’ve learned from my mom

Every battle my mom showed grace and respect. Instead of using her anger and frustration to overwhelm her perspective, she listened to all concerns and used grace and respect to come to a conclusion. Conflicts with others happen; however, the only way to get to a compromise is through listening, respect, and grace.

Things that Nobody told me about Cancer

I am different now. I like Cheesecake now. I have a cancer card, but I don’t play it very often. I am not defined as a Cancer patient. I am a writer, I am a poet, I am a fanfiction writer, I love Disney. I watch Netflix and youtube. I live my life with movie quotes and bible verses. I am a shipper and a music junky. I love to travel and still enjoy the beach. I make friends carefully now. I pray more. I cry more. The world is still deafening at times but also very quiet. I found that the Fandom community is amiable but can also be very mean. September is hard every year, October brings a new wind and promise of beauty, and life and surviving. I’ve learned it’s okay to be melancholy. 

Monday Musings

I have glimpses of where God needs me. How well I work with special needs individuals. My love for writing. How sometimes a significant change that I balk and avoid. However, when I embrace it is secure.

Today blogging is hard

Today is when Blogging is hard. Today is one of those days where I am struggling with what to type.  I had three weeks of moments where I struggled, and then like any storm, there was a break, and last week was typical. Even boring. Now that I am reflecting, I am glad that I…

Pocket Blessings

This has impacted my days so much and the fact it was delivered from a friend. Make it feel like I am having coffee(even though I’m not a coffee drinker) with a friend. In truth I am, I am spending time with my Heavenly Father and learning about him and how he loves me.

National Parks

I was also truly grateful that my parents instilled that going to National Parks is essential. It is truly amazing when you visit a place that the founders of our country decided to preserve just because of the beauty of the area.

How am I?

God has blessed me. And even if I am tired or my emotional compacity is lower. I am here to experience it today. And some days are hard but not unbearable. I still get the chance to show up, and that is the most vital blessing.

Anniversaries

Listening to God’s voice is sometimes heard through the noise of the world; however, it is ever-present and often a whisper. And when you look and make a point to listen, the peace that follows is unexplained.

Disney World 2019

Finally, Unplug. I didn’t check emails, I took pictures and spent time with family. However, don’t spend the entire vacation from the view of the viewfinder. Take part in the moments and watch for the magic. Enjoy the snacks, enjoy the characters, and finally breath. I honestly was able to have a break, and it was beautiful.

Trees

I especially love the beauty of the sun bursting through the leaves. To me, it reminds me that God often breaks through to me like the sun, and he has always been there.

Worst Case Scenarios

It’s not something I am proud of, but that just where my brain goes. The only time I didn’t expect the worst was when I was diagnosed with cancer. I know here is another blog about cancer, but it’s May. And much like Septemeber, I always feel more competitive about my cancer story.

Honesty

I need to be kinder to myself. I need to cut myself a break when I struggle with fandom or with what someone says something not so lovely. I need to forgive myself for the mistakes I made. I need to acknowledge that sometimes I am tired and that it's okay to nap. And by taking a nap does not mean my Cancer has come back. I need to be honest with myself.

Today

Today I am thankful for Christ and his sacrifice, that I am forgiven and loved by the creator of the universe. I am grateful for my readers, who allow me to write and be a writer who has been my dream for years. I am thankful for the hope that comes with sunrises. I am grateful for mornings like today where the anxiety is not drowning me.

Back at Square 1

Life sometimes is taking two steps forward and sometimes 3 steps back and with challenges makes us grow. They help us mature and become more whole. This is the way that God designed it, and yes sometimes I get frustrated and stressed. But I also know that God provides, he knows my heart and that someday those wants will be granted. It is about being patient and entirely relying on God even during bad times.

Fandoms that Surprised me

Fandoms that Surprised me    I took a mental break on Monday, that's why there was no blog. Monday started with taking the car that we have owned for six months to get the brakes fixed only to be told that it was much more expensive then it the vehicle is worth.  That sent us into…

Fanfictions leads to Blogging

I think writing fanfictions was that first step of bravery to publish my thoughts online. It was the first step to be accepting of people’s criticism. I am the type that if you say something in a negative tone toward me, I will backtrack to make you happy.

A mustard seed faith????

Mustard seed faith is not a checklist faith. It’s not an achievement unlocked. It just has faith in those times when I need to call out to God the most. It is having names for my future children even though I don’t know if this will happen. It’s praying to God to help with our finances when a change made and being aware that he has. It’s looking forward to a vacation and praying for that vacation. It’s praying for your spouse and seeing them become good-natured and slow to become angry. Faith like a mustard seed is those everyday moments when you call out to God and trust that he has control over your life. It is reading your Bible every day to keep the relationship with God alive, even though you may not hear God speaking. It is praying for dinner and giving thanks for the food.

Easter

This is a different kind of Hope. This hope takes the fear away from death. It’s a hope of forgiveness. It’s the hope that regardless of what I do and however I mess up. God will love me and forgive me. It’s about choice. Having a relationship with God is a choice. Accepting Jesus as your savior is a choice. Choosing to follow God every single day and forgiving myself on the days I stray is a choice. Easter is the epilogue of the story. It’s the post credit scene for a movie where the ending is not great. It’s the hope of something more. Easter is a promise of a better life and the promise that there is light at the end of the tunnel of life.

Movies

It’s no secret that Jman and I like to collect movies, we have over 300. We have classics like Oklahoma and Shawshank Redemption, to newer films such as Zootopia and The Legend of Tarzan.

New Normal

New normal is not easy. There are days when routine helps. However, there are still days when I feel the familiar cold sensation of being back in the doctor's chair and feeling like I'm still going through it.

Lessons from Jman

However, Jman has taught me that Jesus wanted the idea of love to be without filters or blinders. It doesn’t discriminate by orientation, skin color, favorite superhero, football team, or even political understanding. It does not discriminate by religion or IQ.

Worries

Worries I know you know I loved flowers. I am cursed with a black thumb. My mother can grow beautiful flowers, and I can’t. I  love flowers for their bravery and individuality, but mostly because they are a reminder to myself that God takes care of everything. Including the flowers. The beautiful and innocent flowers,…