When Rejoicing is hard

God gives us trials, but he also sends blessings. This blog helps me sort out my feelings; Xmen Evolution creates a space for me to breathe. Work will provide an area not to focus on the sadness. I will smile, I will pray, write, and today will be challenging, but God will help me through it.

Introvert or Extrovert

I’m an introvert disguised as an extrovert I do not like big crowds or loud parties I find my peace in nature, zoos and books But I have to be an extrovert I play the part very well Pleasing everyone in the public eye Being everything to everybody  Everybody wants something from me I’m an…

10 Years of Marriage

Good Morning friends, I celebrated my 10 anniversary with Jman on Friday, September 18th. Some days its feels like 20 years and other times I remember the day clearly as yesterday. We celebrated by ordering in, getting our favorite cupcakes, getting champagne, and just relaxing and being together. As we had trips planned and other…

Things I am thankful For 9/15/2020

Things I’m grateful for Today 9/15/2020 Today is 9/15/2020 Its the middle of September  Of the year 2020. I am grateful for: Christ’s blood who saved me Jeremiah My family  Rainbows Ncis My apartment My Job(most of the time) My Funko Pops My Books Disney Fans My 10th anniversary is in a few days Sunflowers…

When the world is Loud

When the world is Loud: When the world is loud I want to hide. All my neurons are firing and my sensitive nerves flare up. When the world is loud I want to yell Scream at the top my lungs for silence When the world is loud I want to move  Where the world is…

9 years ago today.

I did end up beating cancer. But the new normal was so different than the old normal. Rubbing alcohol turned my stomach now, jolly ranchers candies were no longer a candy I liked. Haircuts and other such things brought on anxiety. Anxiety and panic attacks became normal. Claustrophobia is a thing I deal with now. We moved from our one-bedroom apartment to living with our family. Jman shifted jobs, and I went back to work. Life was just about surviving.

Trees are beautiful Creatures

Trees are beautiful creatures Trees are beautiful creatures Lush and green Ripe in the spring With cherry blossoms And sweet magnolias gems Standing strong and tall Trees are beautiful creatures Until it’s dark and rainy Wind whipping They are a stationary Monster trying to Break free of their roots Hurling their leaves back and forth…

He Understands…

He understands...He understands the pain.Whether from a nail piercing through the fleshOr a needle barely scratching the skin.Blood flows filled with love, sacrifice and redemption.He understands the feeling of abandonment.From a loved one.From a parent who turned a blind eye to suffering.But saving grace and forgiveness still resounds.He understands the suffering.Drawn out with no chance…

Simply Gratitude

Simple Gratitude Gratitude  A huge word But a small meaning  Thankfulness Genuine thankfulness Is very important  There is a reason why it’s called the magic word It’s the olive branch that takes away the wall It’s the dove that provides peace The white flag that ends the war The brick that begins new wall sturdy…

Trials

You tell us we need to take joy in trial of any kind When the bills never end? When the hurt is hard to be forgiven? You tell us we need to take joy in trial of any kind Even if the sickness never heals? Even if my world is crashing down? You tell us we need to take joy in trial of any kind?

Stars

Stars Stars burn bright Filling the night Sky with dimension Stars burn bright Hold wishes, hopes and dreams Stars burn bright Hung delicately by their creator Stars burn bright Decorate the night Stars burn bright Fearlessly leading lost souls Toward Salvation Stars burn bright Captivating wonder and awe Stars burn bright. 1 Samuel 16:7 (New Living…

The Sculptor of the Earth

The sculptor of earth The sculptor sculpts A world with trees and plants More animals one can imagine Mountain high Valleys low Oceans deep Then the sculptor takes up his paint brush Paint the colors of roses And vibrant hues of fish He paints camouflage And red earth And gemstones of beauty He puts down…

Places I miss

Good Evening, I hope you are doing well. I am okay. Life is a little frustrating right now so to avoid talking about what is happening in my life. I found some pics of places I miss. Northern California has been in Shelter in Place since March. I know you understand As much as I…

The Impact of Writing

Suddenly the parents of my students approached me and told me how much their students enjoyed poetry. But more importantly, the students felt smart for the first time in their lives. Some shared how they now had a tool to create peace and help them process things that we're giving them anxiety. For others who had limited vocabulary, were able to express what they thought and how they felt. Students who were energetic dancers could take a moment to be quiet and do poetry.

Rogue

Rogue  When I heard that the movie X-men is almost 20 years old, I was in disbelief. If you know me or have been around here for a while, you know I love Rogue from X-men. However, when I think about my journey and how Rogue and comics started to be intertwined.  X-men came out…

Random Photos

Random Photos There are a few hobbies that I think I am good at. Cooking is one of those, writing has been slow coming, but photography was one that I have stated that I am good at. It’s also one of those hobbies my dad and my brother, and I share. We would often see…

Struggles of Infertility

He knows my tears and catches them in his nail, scarred hands. However, my anger at God doesn’t change his plan. It does make his voice louder when he clears out the lies I tell myself, and then I turn back to him knowing that his plan is best and reasons are best.

Hate

What if we shook hands and saw past skin color? If we helped one another and hugged instead of shouted? If we lived for others instead of one? If we embraced our beautiful world full of Technicolor?

Grim news

It isn't a train but a star, much like a star that lead the wise men to Jesus and right now there is darkness but things will get better. The Son will rise again. And God will heal the world.

Forgiveness

First thing: is prayer. I have talked about prayer and the importance of prayer. I believe that prayers are the thing that helps me with those moments when I am struggling with forgiveness. Prayer helps on those nights when I can't sleep because I am I struggling with hurtful words that are rolling around in my brain. I even pray with some people who are harmful to intent. I pray for God to pour forgiveness into my bitterness.

About Me:)

God is one who carries me through the struggles of infertility. God is one who sends friends when I struggle with loneliness. God is the one who provides the apartment that I rent and the food I eat.

Where is God

Where is God? Where did you go? When the seas of unknown drowned me Unable to breath Where is God? My normalcy ripped away Like a ship lost at sea Where did you go? Human test subject Doctors assure me this will work. Pain and suffering Where is God? When fears squeeze Throat closed Breath…

What am I afraid of?

What am I afraid of? What am I afraid of? I’ve always considered myself fearless But as I count everything that Makes my heart beat at an alarming rate Here are as follows: Lizards Any crocodilian They are just lizards With sharp pointy teeth And ten times as big Falling I can go to high…

Danie Days

I love sunny days. You know the type where the sky is cerulian and clouds are white and puffy. My mom always called those days Danie Days because I was most happiest on those days. I'm an Cali girl so we get alot of sunny days. I know the world is crazy right now and…

Reflections of January through March

Reflections of January to March, Good Afternoon Friends. The blog is at a different time today because if you are unaware, the bay area has been put into a Shelter in PLace ordinance. With everything that is going on in the world, My county is trying to limit exposure to this virus. So for the last 3 weeks, we knew about this and the only time I was worried about it was at work. Now We are confined to our apartment for the foreseeable future. My goal for this year is to practice contentment and being present. Often I am wishing away my and hoping for the future. But this is also leading to being discontent. So this year, I’m learning the benefits of being in the moment. In January, I went to two playoff games, a woman’s retreat, and my family from southern California visited multiple times. It was idyllic and fun. February brought sickness and events and overall tiredness. But also spending time with dear friends and being aware that God ordains everything. March has now brought anxiety, confusion, and finally, deep pondering of my life and what brings me happiness. Here are some things I learned. Being present to allow God is an everyday thing. Once you’re in, you are all in. It’s refreshing at the time but also frustrating at times because there are moments when I want to argue with God. I want to be in charge. I want to let my anxiety or uncomfortableness run my life. So when God pushes me to do something, a small voice always reminds me that you told yourself that you will be present. Another thing that I learned is that if I am honest with others about how I am feeling, the ceiling will not fall in. A couple times this year, I reached out to our prayer warriors group, and not only was I able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but also created empathy because, as I was brave, others also shared their difficult times. In those moments of insight, I was able to be reminded that I may not be the only one suffering right now. It opened me up to be able to pray for others. Another thing that I observed is that there time of patience. In those moments, I need to rely on breathing, prayers, and finally avoiding the distractions that create uncertainty. Some times we are faced with times of reflection and patience. Distractions for me are sometimes people, or even not listening to negative comments. Not paying attention to negative news. Finally, being present is sometimes exhausting but also rewarding. There moments that I am grateful for but also tired from. However, it’s all a process, and throughout the process is essential. May the God who gives hope fill you with great joy. May you have perfect peace as you trust in him. May the power of the Holy Spirit fill you with hope. Romans 15:13 NIRV TTFN and God Bless and keep you

Adjusting my life for Fear

It’s the strength to park a car without hitting the poles, it is the strength to tell a complete stranger from no laying a hand on me. It is the power when everything seems to be falling apart to reach out to others and invite them to pray for you. It’s also the strength that the world will not cave in when.

Music soothes my soul and senses

Music soothes my soul and senses Good morning, how are you?? My back is hurting today. Today, I’m going to share a piece of poetry. I love poetry and music.  Music soothes my soul and senses Music soothes my soul and senses After a hard day and my head is pounding Music soothes my soul…

Beauty in Sharing

Why would I the queen of introverteness produce, plan, and execute an evening that required me to stand up in front of people and talk about myself? Well, for one thing, I have a story. I made a promise to myself that after the cancer treatments that I would use my gift and my story, which God gave me, every time an opportunity arose, I would not back down from the challenge. Now, this promise has to lead me to speak at my church, at my job, and finally, in this blog. I believe there are strength and beauty in sharing, especially the dark pieces of one’s heart.

Top 5 Beaches

I love everything about the beach, shells, mermaids, fish, dolphins, rocks, the sound of the waves, the sting of the wind, the warmth of the sun and sand, the smell of salt. I have been to a plethora of beaches. Here is a list of my top 5

Giraffes

My mom loves Giraffes and I have grown to love them as well. Enjoy these beautiful animals. But I will sing about your strength. In the morning I will sing about your love. You are like a fort to me. You keep me safe in times of trouble.Psalm 59:16NIRV TTFN and God Bless and Keep…

Peace amidst the Chaos

I also find peace on a beach. The stark contrast of the loud waves, and sometimes crowd and wind, is so lively that my thoughts I have been fixating on leave in an instant, and I get to ruminate on other such things. Like how did God know how much salt to put in the ocean, why did that fandom end the way it did, and as the cobwebs of anxiety are cleared, I can come up to decision about the critical decisions.