Danie with an E reflections

In those moments, I always let whomever I am with that I am feeling emotional. And those moments I am reminded how wonderful it is to be alive.

Today is when Blogging is hard. Today is one of those days where I am struggling with what to type.  I had three weeks of moments where I struggled, and then like any storm, there was a break, and last week was typical. Even boring. Now that I am reflecting, I am glad that I…

This has impacted my days so much and the fact it was delivered from a friend. Make it feel like I am having coffee(even though I’m not a coffee drinker) with a friend. In truth I am, I am spending time with my Heavenly Father and learning about him and how he loves me.

God has blessed me. And even if I am tired or my emotional compacity is lower. I am here to experience it today. And some days are hard but not unbearable. I still get the chance to show up, and that is the most vital blessing.

Listening to God’s voice is sometimes heard through the noise of the world; however, it is ever-present and often a whisper. And when you look and make a point to listen, the peace that follows is unexplained.

It’s God timing. I always have to remind myself that God is in charge, and he is the keeper of time. God’s plans are perfect. Even on my days when I am angry, God is still in charge. He knows the whole picture and understands what would be the best time.

Finally, Unplug. I didn’t check emails, I took pictures and spent time with family. However, don’t spend the entire vacation from the view of the viewfinder. Take part in the moments and watch for the magic. Enjoy the snacks, enjoy the characters, and finally breath. I honestly was able to have a break, and it was beautiful.

Space allows for healing and quieting my insecurities that flare up when I am the victim. In the space, I cling to what I know is the truth. God Loves me. God created me. He delights in me. He has the best and master plan. God cries when his children cry.

Living life isn't about the conversations but the moments where one can just be. Just breathe. Just feel and just take in the world that surrounds us. I had a good weekend. Cancer is still apart of my life, and we only take each moment as it comes.

I try things more , ask questions more. I am easier to forgive and choose my battles. I know what's important and strive for those moments. I spend time with friends more often.

7 And that is what happened. God made this space to separate the waters of the earth from the waters of the heavens. 8 God called the space “sky.”

The answer that gives me hope is that my heavenly father has already accepted me and forgave me. He allows me with open arms and takes all my flaws and makes them beautiful.

I took pictures and revealed in God's beautiful creations. I spent time with Jman without talking about adulting and we just relished being best friends.

It’s not something I am proud of, but that just where my brain goes. The only time I didn’t expect the worst was when I was diagnosed with cancer. I know here is another blog about cancer, but it’s May. And much like Septemeber, I always feel more competitive about my cancer story.

I need to be kinder to myself. I need to cut myself a break when I struggle with fandom or with what someone says something not so lovely. I need to forgive myself for the mistakes I made. I need to acknowledge that sometimes I am tired and that it's okay to nap. And by taking a nap does not mean my Cancer has come back. I need to be honest with myself.

Taking pictures has become a peaceful activity that during stressful times it makes my brain shift to calm and focused instead of reeling.

Mustard seed faith is not a checklist faith. It’s not an achievement unlocked. It just has faith in those times when I need to call out to God the most. It is having names for my future children even though I don’t know if this will happen. It’s praying to God to help with our finances when a change made and being aware that he has. It’s looking forward to a vacation and praying for that vacation. It’s praying for your spouse and seeing them become good-natured and slow to become angry. Faith like a mustard seed is those everyday moments when you call out to God and trust that he has control over your life. It is reading your Bible every day to keep the relationship with God alive, even though you may not hear God speaking. It is praying for dinner and giving thanks for the food.

This is a different kind of Hope. This hope takes the fear away from death. It’s a hope of forgiveness. It’s the hope that regardless of what I do and however I mess up. God will love me and forgive me. It’s about choice. Having a relationship with God is a choice. Accepting Jesus as your savior is a choice. Choosing to follow God every single day and forgiving myself on the days I stray is a choice. Easter is the epilogue of the story. It’s the post credit scene for a movie where the ending is not great. It’s the hope of something more. Easter is a promise of a better life and the promise that there is light at the end of the tunnel of life.

New normal is not easy. There are days when routine helps. However, there are still days when I feel the familiar cold sensation of being back in the doctor's chair and feeling like I'm still going through it.

Vacation is important. It those moments to breathe, reflect and just be. It's a time to observe God’s beautiful world.

I keep my eyes focused on God, on things I need to do around my life. I take joy in conversations with people who didn’t know I needed to talk to someone who just loves me for me. Like Sis who out of the blue IMed me last week and it was like a balm to my hard heart.

During these moments of sadness, I remember to fix my eyes on God and remember to allow myself to be forgiving of myself. I also ask for peace.

However, Jman has taught me that Jesus wanted the idea of love to be without filters or blinders. It doesn’t discriminate by orientation, skin color, favorite superhero, football team, or even political understanding. It does not discriminate by religion or IQ.

Being creative takes practice and bravery. Sis is an artist. She actually has published 3 comic books. She also loves to draw. She loves anything that has to do with creating with art. She is one of the most creative people I know.

SO I’ve done TV interviews, public presentations, and finally, things where I talk in front of people, and it's never easy but this what God wants from me.

Reading has been my escape, much like this blog has been a sounding board for my life, reading has shaped my life to examine the world, be observant and it's okay to get lost in a book.

God in charge of our finances, he is in charge of how many breaths I take, and he knows how many hairs on my head. He also knows what interactions are going to happen. He knows what events I will go to and who will be there and if what they say will make me upset.

God gives us challenging relationships to remember to love and pray for those people we don’t get along. Another thing to remember is to pray for forgiveness on your end.

We even try to go on dates while we are on vacation. I know what your thinking, you are already spending money on holiday. But taking time out of the hustle and bustle of even being on vacation is essential.

I breathe. I watch sappy movies.

Finally Church and having a place to worship is, but it doesn’t need to be a church with gilded steeples( although they are beautiful) it can be humble, a living room, a place that is sacred and maintained that allows for the beauty, respect and finally God’s voice to filter in.

I try to extend grace before getting angry, not because I want to excuse the wrong but because this is what God wants us to do. He is very clear on being slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to become angry. God wants us to hear and be slow to grow angry. God describes an angry tongue as a horrible sword.