What am I afraid of?

What am I afraid of? What am I afraid of? I’ve always considered myself fearless But as I count everything that Makes my heart beat at an alarming rate Here are as follows: Lizards Any crocodilian They are just lizards With sharp pointy teeth And ten times as big Falling I can go to high…

Danie Days

I love sunny days. You know the type where the sky is cerulian and clouds are white and puffy. My mom always called those days Danie Days because I was most happiest on those days. I'm an Cali girl so we get alot of sunny days. I know the world is crazy right now and…

Reflections of January through March

Reflections of January to March, Good Afternoon Friends. The blog is at a different time today because if you are unaware, the bay area has been put into a Shelter in PLace ordinance. With everything that is going on in the world, My county is trying to limit exposure to this virus. So for the last 3 weeks, we knew about this and the only time I was worried about it was at work. Now We are confined to our apartment for the foreseeable future. My goal for this year is to practice contentment and being present. Often I am wishing away my and hoping for the future. But this is also leading to being discontent. So this year, I’m learning the benefits of being in the moment. In January, I went to two playoff games, a woman’s retreat, and my family from southern California visited multiple times. It was idyllic and fun. February brought sickness and events and overall tiredness. But also spending time with dear friends and being aware that God ordains everything. March has now brought anxiety, confusion, and finally, deep pondering of my life and what brings me happiness. Here are some things I learned. Being present to allow God is an everyday thing. Once you’re in, you are all in. It’s refreshing at the time but also frustrating at times because there are moments when I want to argue with God. I want to be in charge. I want to let my anxiety or uncomfortableness run my life. So when God pushes me to do something, a small voice always reminds me that you told yourself that you will be present. Another thing that I learned is that if I am honest with others about how I am feeling, the ceiling will not fall in. A couple times this year, I reached out to our prayer warriors group, and not only was I able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but also created empathy because, as I was brave, others also shared their difficult times. In those moments of insight, I was able to be reminded that I may not be the only one suffering right now. It opened me up to be able to pray for others. Another thing that I observed is that there time of patience. In those moments, I need to rely on breathing, prayers, and finally avoiding the distractions that create uncertainty. Some times we are faced with times of reflection and patience. Distractions for me are sometimes people, or even not listening to negative comments. Not paying attention to negative news. Finally, being present is sometimes exhausting but also rewarding. There moments that I am grateful for but also tired from. However, it’s all a process, and throughout the process is essential. May the God who gives hope fill you with great joy. May you have perfect peace as you trust in him. May the power of the Holy Spirit fill you with hope. Romans 15:13 NIRV TTFN and God Bless and keep you

Adjusting my life for Fear

It’s the strength to park a car without hitting the poles, it is the strength to tell a complete stranger from no laying a hand on me. It is the power when everything seems to be falling apart to reach out to others and invite them to pray for you. It’s also the strength that the world will not cave in when.

Music soothes my soul and senses

Music soothes my soul and senses Good morning, how are you?? My back is hurting today. Today, I’m going to share a piece of poetry. I love poetry and music.  Music soothes my soul and senses Music soothes my soul and senses After a hard day and my head is pounding Music soothes my soul…

Beauty in Sharing

Why would I the queen of introverteness produce, plan, and execute an evening that required me to stand up in front of people and talk about myself? Well, for one thing, I have a story. I made a promise to myself that after the cancer treatments that I would use my gift and my story, which God gave me, every time an opportunity arose, I would not back down from the challenge. Now, this promise has to lead me to speak at my church, at my job, and finally, in this blog. I believe there are strength and beauty in sharing, especially the dark pieces of one’s heart.

Top 5 Beaches

I love everything about the beach, shells, mermaids, fish, dolphins, rocks, the sound of the waves, the sting of the wind, the warmth of the sun and sand, the smell of salt. I have been to a plethora of beaches. Here is a list of my top 5

Peace amidst the Chaos

I also find peace on a beach. The stark contrast of the loud waves, and sometimes crowd and wind, is so lively that my thoughts I have been fixating on leave in an instant, and I get to ruminate on other such things. Like how did God know how much salt to put in the ocean, why did that fandom end the way it did, and as the cobwebs of anxiety are cleared, I can come up to decision about the critical decisions.

Melancholy of winter

It’s cold and gets dark earlier and I miss the sun and warm weather. Paired with tiredness, normal busyness, and just plugging along on this road we call life. I am always surprised when I don’t feel happy every single day like I used to as a child. Then I spend days convincing myself that its okay to feel sad or tired. The panic in my mind tells me that something is wrong and I don’t listen.

The Chaotic Sea

Happy New Year!!!, I know I have been MIA lately, but I am hoping to get back into the groove of writing this blog every Monday and Wednesday. This past weekend we spent the day at Monterrey and it was beautiful. Its amazing how something chaotic as the sea can make me feel so much…

Christ in Christmas

Did Jesus struggle when he saw the wrongs of this world? Like I have when I see someone mistreated. Did he get angry with the darkness of this world? Like Jman does sometimes. Did Jesus have lots of friends, or was he an outcast? Did Jesus like learning in school, or did he prefer being outside and observing God’s creation? Did Jesus have Autism or something else that made him different outwardly?

Life is moments

. The poem above was written during cancer; however, there are still things that ring true in my life almost nine years later. I always feel all these emotions, and I still get surprised when I’ve had five days where I feel sad, then wake up today and feel happy again.

Thanksgiving 2019

Good Morning. We did something different this year for thanksgiving. We went to the beach and saw butterflies. Then on Black Friday we decorated our Living Room for Christmas. It was relaxing and beautiful. [ Dispute Over Jesus’ Testimony ] When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever…

The mind of a hopeless romantic

What is love? Is it a love where you will be with someone even though you can never physically touch them? Or a love where it’s a partnership? Or is it the meeting of the minds? A shared experience? Or just enjoying the beauty of life together? Is love sacrificial or self-sabotaging? Is love eternal or just instant? Or finally is love just only two beings sharing the same air and watching a movie in their living room.

Change my mind

Jesus spent time listening, caring, serving, and finally being with people, and if they didn’t agree with him, he still loved them prayed for them, and eventually forgave them. His last act before death was praying for them and pleaded for their forgiveness for their sins.

A trend avoider

set my own path and often are hit with bumps and bruises from exploring unbroken terrain. It’s even funny because there are things that I have loved for years that other people didn’t, or it didn’t as much recognition. Sometimes that shifts and all of a sudden, there are a million products for this character or tv show. And suddenly, I feel like the world has caught up.

My wellbeing well

In the weeks that I feel faint, I become more aware of blessings, or I am more open to counting my blessings. Everything thing is a blessing. From a cup a tea to sitting with my husband and talking about fandoms. It is those moments that are blessings with beauty if I can be intentional.

Kindness Matters

Kindness matters. The smallest thing if it is done in kindness, it matters. God commanded this in the repeated verses about kindness. It makes me believe that in biblical times, unkindness was the norm. Today it has morphed into mean comments on the internet or being unkind as a habit.

Guarding My Emotions

I have been learning the only way to allow my hurting to be acknowledged is to verbally speak my emotions. It might be hard, and to others, it might appear weak; however, this is the only way for myself to grow. To be okay, verbalizing what I am feeling. 

Things I’ve learned from my mom

Every battle my mom showed grace and respect. Instead of using her anger and frustration to overwhelm her perspective, she listened to all concerns and used grace and respect to come to a conclusion. Conflicts with others happen; however, the only way to get to a compromise is through listening, respect, and grace.

Things that Nobody told me about Cancer

I am different now. I like Cheesecake now. I have a cancer card, but I don’t play it very often. I am not defined as a Cancer patient. I am a writer, I am a poet, I am a fanfiction writer, I love Disney. I watch Netflix and youtube. I live my life with movie quotes and bible verses. I am a shipper and a music junky. I love to travel and still enjoy the beach. I make friends carefully now. I pray more. I cry more. The world is still deafening at times but also very quiet. I found that the Fandom community is amiable but can also be very mean. September is hard every year, October brings a new wind and promise of beauty, and life and surviving. I’ve learned it’s okay to be melancholy. 

Monday Musings

I have glimpses of where God needs me. How well I work with special needs individuals. My love for writing. How sometimes a significant change that I balk and avoid. However, when I embrace it is secure.

May 18th 2020

May 18th  Good Morning, How are you? I know it’s been a hot minute since I wrote here. How am I? We have been on Shelter in Place since March 16th, Two months. During that time, my life hasn’t changed that much, but at the same time, it has changed a lot.  Most of you…