9 years ago today.

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I did end up beating cancer. But the new normal was so different than the old normal. Rubbing alcohol turned my stomach now, jolly ranchers candies were no longer a candy I liked. Haircuts and other such things brought on anxiety. Anxiety and panic attacks became normal. Claustrophobia is a thing I deal with now. We moved from our one-bedroom apartment to living with our family. Jman shifted jobs, and I went back to work. Life was just about surviving.

Trees are beautiful Creatures

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Trees are beautiful creatures Trees are beautiful creatures Lush and green Ripe in the spring With cherry blossoms And sweet magnolias gems Standing strong and tall Trees are beautiful creatures Until it’s dark and rainy Wind whipping They are a stationary Monster trying to Break free of their roots Hurling their leaves back and forth … Continue reading Trees are beautiful Creatures

He Understands…

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He understands...He understands the pain.Whether from a nail piercing through the fleshOr a needle barely scratching the skin.Blood flows filled with love, sacrifice and redemption.He understands the feeling of abandonment.From a loved one.From a parent who turned a blind eye to suffering.But saving grace and forgiveness still resounds.He understands the suffering.Drawn out with no chance … Continue reading He Understands…

The Impact of Writing

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Suddenly the parents of my students approached me and told me how much their students enjoyed poetry. But more importantly, the students felt smart for the first time in their lives. Some shared how they now had a tool to create peace and help them process things that we're giving them anxiety. For others who had limited vocabulary, were able to express what they thought and how they felt. Students who were energetic dancers could take a moment to be quiet and do poetry.

Forgiveness

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First thing: is prayer. I have talked about prayer and the importance of prayer. I believe that prayers are the thing that helps me with those moments when I am struggling with forgiveness. Prayer helps on those nights when I can't sleep because I am I struggling with hurtful words that are rolling around in my brain. I even pray with some people who are harmful to intent. I pray for God to pour forgiveness into my bitterness.

Reflections of January through March

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Reflections of January to March, Good Afternoon Friends. The blog is at a different time today because if you are unaware, the bay area has been put into a Shelter in PLace ordinance. With everything that is going on in the world, My county is trying to limit exposure to this virus. So for the last 3 weeks, we knew about this and the only time I was worried about it was at work. Now We are confined to our apartment for the foreseeable future. My goal for this year is to practice contentment and being present. Often I am wishing away my and hoping for the future. But this is also leading to being discontent. So this year, I’m learning the benefits of being in the moment. In January, I went to two playoff games, a woman’s retreat, and my family from southern California visited multiple times. It was idyllic and fun. February brought sickness and events and overall tiredness. But also spending time with dear friends and being aware that God ordains everything. March has now brought anxiety, confusion, and finally, deep pondering of my life and what brings me happiness. Here are some things I learned. Being present to allow God is an everyday thing. Once you’re in, you are all in. It’s refreshing at the time but also frustrating at times because there are moments when I want to argue with God. I want to be in charge. I want to let my anxiety or uncomfortableness run my life. So when God pushes me to do something, a small voice always reminds me that you told yourself that you will be present. Another thing that I learned is that if I am honest with others about how I am feeling, the ceiling will not fall in. A couple times this year, I reached out to our prayer warriors group, and not only was I able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but also created empathy because, as I was brave, others also shared their difficult times. In those moments of insight, I was able to be reminded that I may not be the only one suffering right now. It opened me up to be able to pray for others. Another thing that I observed is that there time of patience. In those moments, I need to rely on breathing, prayers, and finally avoiding the distractions that create uncertainty. Some times we are faced with times of reflection and patience. Distractions for me are sometimes people, or even not listening to negative comments. Not paying attention to negative news. Finally, being present is sometimes exhausting but also rewarding. There moments that I am grateful for but also tired from. However, it’s all a process, and throughout the process is essential. May the God who gives hope fill you with great joy. May you have perfect peace as you trust in him. May the power of the Holy Spirit fill you with hope. Romans 15:13 NIRV TTFN and God Bless and keep you

Beauty in Sharing

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Why would I the queen of introverteness produce, plan, and execute an evening that required me to stand up in front of people and talk about myself? Well, for one thing, I have a story. I made a promise to myself that after the cancer treatments that I would use my gift and my story, which God gave me, every time an opportunity arose, I would not back down from the challenge. Now, this promise has to lead me to speak at my church, at my job, and finally, in this blog. I believe there are strength and beauty in sharing, especially the dark pieces of one’s heart.