Today I am thankful for Christ and his sacrifice, that I am forgiven and loved by the creator of the universe. I am grateful for my readers, who allow me to write and be a writer who has been my dream for years. I am thankful for the hope that comes with sunrises. I am grateful for mornings like today where the anxiety is not drowning me.

Back at Square 1

Life sometimes is taking two steps forward and sometimes 3 steps back and with challenges makes us grow. They help us mature and become more whole. This is the way that God designed it, and yes sometimes I get frustrated and stressed. But I also know that God provides, he knows my heart and that someday those wants will be granted. It is about being patient and entirely relying on God even during bad times.

Fandoms that Surprised me

Fandoms that Surprised me    I took a mental break on Monday, that's why there was no blog. Monday started with taking the car that we have owned for six months to get the brakes fixed only to be told that it was much more expensive then it the vehicle is worth.  That sent us into…

Fanfictions leads to Blogging

I think writing fanfictions was that first step of bravery to publish my thoughts online. It was the first step to be accepting of people’s criticism. I am the type that if you say something in a negative tone toward me, I will backtrack to make you happy.

A mustard seed faith????

Mustard seed faith is not a checklist faith. It’s not an achievement unlocked. It just has faith in those times when I need to call out to God the most. It is having names for my future children even though I don’t know if this will happen. It’s praying to God to help with our finances when a change made and being aware that he has. It’s looking forward to a vacation and praying for that vacation. It’s praying for your spouse and seeing them become good-natured and slow to become angry. Faith like a mustard seed is those everyday moments when you call out to God and trust that he has control over your life. It is reading your Bible every day to keep the relationship with God alive, even though you may not hear God speaking. It is praying for dinner and giving thanks for the food.


This is a different kind of Hope. This hope takes the fear away from death. It’s a hope of forgiveness. It’s the hope that regardless of what I do and however I mess up. God will love me and forgive me. It’s about choice. Having a relationship with God is a choice. Accepting Jesus as your savior is a choice. Choosing to follow God every single day and forgiving myself on the days I stray is a choice. Easter is the epilogue of the story. It’s the post credit scene for a movie where the ending is not great. It’s the hope of something more. Easter is a promise of a better life and the promise that there is light at the end of the tunnel of life.


It’s no secret that Jman and I like to collect movies, we have over 300. We have classics like Oklahoma and Shawshank Redemption, to newer films such as Zootopia and The Legend of Tarzan.

New Normal

New normal is not easy. There are days when routine helps. However, there are still days when I feel the familiar cold sensation of being back in the doctor's chair and feeling like I'm still going through it.

Bonus Blog: Morning Musings

I often wake up with a song stuck in head. It’s a nagging, and when I have a song stuck in my head, I can’t think of anything until I listen to that song again. This morning was no exception. I heard that song and was able to move on. My brain works so weirdly sometimes.

Lessons from Jman

However, Jman has taught me that Jesus wanted the idea of love to be without filters or blinders. It doesn’t discriminate by orientation, skin color, favorite superhero, football team, or even political understanding. It does not discriminate by religion or IQ.


Reading has been my escape, much like this blog has been a sounding board for my life, reading has shaped my life to examine the world, be observant and it's okay to get lost in a book.

God is in Charge

God in charge of our finances, he is in charge of how many breaths I take, and he knows how many hairs on my head. He also knows what interactions are going to happen. He knows what events I will go to and who will be there and if what they say will make me upset.

Going on Dates

We even try to go on dates while we are on vacation. I know what your thinking, you are already spending money on holiday. But taking time out of the hustle and bustle of even being on vacation is essential.

My love affair with old churches

Finally Church and having a place to worship is, but it doesn’t need to be a church with gilded steeples( although they are beautiful) it can be humble, a living room, a place that is sacred and maintained that allows for the beauty, respect and finally God’s voice to filter in.

Extending Grace vs. Making excuses

I try to extend grace before getting angry, not because I want to excuse the wrong but because this is what God wants us to do. He is very clear on being slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to become angry. God wants us to hear and be slow to grow angry. God describes an angry tongue as a horrible sword.


Just being able to sit with me and have coffee relishing in the normalness for a few minutes I’m just a customer at a coffee shop. And our friendship survived because of that support.


This creates focus, acceptance and finally healing. Sometimes a curve ball can make us feel bruised and overused. Knowing that God is in control and will manage is hard for someone who likes to plans.

Being a Collector

There is order to my collections and joy in the unusual. There is money spent, but at the end of the day, that’s okay because my collections make me smile. They bring me joy and finally help see a glimmer of beauty in a dark world.

If we Shadows Have Offended

It's Poetry Saturday and I have been so busy this week that I almost forgot about Poetry Saturday!!! If We Shadows have Offended, From Midsummer's Night Dream By William Shakespeare If we shadows have offended,Think but this and all is mended,That you have but slumber'd hereWhile these visions did appear.And this weak and idle theme,No…


Yes, plans are essential, but so is being spontaneous. Breathing and taking a day that isn's scheduled that is fine too. Life is not about the lists you make but the journey you choose to get there. I don’t make resolutions, but I do take time to breathe. Take time to relax. I still have my lists. Focusing too much on the future distracts from the now and life is lived moment by moment. Moreover, if you are blazing through, then you forget to stop and observe what’s around you.

Dear Friend

Dear Friend, please listen for the cues if I say I’m okay. I may need to tell someone that I had a lousy week and may need someone to say it will be okay. I may say I’m okay not knowing if I am or not. Please don’t just breeze past me taking okay as good.

Number 75

I’ve learned that talking about wanting to be parents and not having it happens is hard, but this is a topic that is not discussed — issues like these need to be talked about because this is when the steady rise.

Back to our regularly scheduled program

I have found that both of these aspects of myself can cause me to sin. If I process too much then I am fixating on a problem and being present. If I am more concerned with my other plans usually my plan A fails because of something that is a minor detail that I forgot. Like forgetting to look at hours of operation or if it will rain today

Reflections on 2018

Then I found my voice. I started this blog. It became my soundboard, a place to process my feelings and emotions. It became a safe place for me to process what my busy days were like and how I felt about the world. And with that support, I discovered I wasn’t alone in my struggles. I had a community of people who were praying for me and eager to hear my opinions. I realized I mattered and that

The True Gift for Christmas

I’ve often wondered if Mary, Jesus’s mother, were still alive today if Christmas would be have been hard for her. If Christmas was something she dreaded or rejoiced. She is someone I would love to sit down and drink tea and just ask her how did she have the faith to trust God so completely through her pregnancy and the birth of Jesus. What Sacrifices did she make? I would love to ask her “Mary were you ever afraid or doubtful?”

Feeding Jman

We read ingredients all the time. Even with products, we know he can have because sometimes recipes change. We just went to the store the other day and I think it took a little longer because we were reading ingredients.We never assume Jman can have something even if it says dairy-free on the outside.

Finances Ugh!!!

However, we have been blessed with people who will help out if needed. We always remember that God gives us our paychecks and he helps us use wisdom and care about how we spend our money. We also allow for forgiveness if Jman and I mess up with money. Jman and I argue and talk about money and then we come to decision. We also pray about how the best to use our money. We talk to our parents and discuss it with them.

Hardest Christmas!!!

Then I remembered that Jesus was beaten before he died, It was a weird moment where I thought that sounded much worse than getting poked. I was reminded Jesus was human, even though he never sinned he was human. He probably stubbed his toe, stepped on rocks and felt the same pains that I did. For the first time during chemo, something was worst than chemo.