Disney World 2019

Finally, Unplug. I didn’t check emails, I took pictures and spent time with family. However, don’t spend the entire vacation from the view of the viewfinder. Take part in the moments and watch for the magic. Enjoy the snacks, enjoy the characters, and finally breath. I honestly was able to have a break, and it was beautiful.

Trees

I especially love the beauty of the sun bursting through the leaves. To me, it reminds me that God often breaks through to me like the sun, and he has always been there.

Worst Case Scenarios

It’s not something I am proud of, but that just where my brain goes. The only time I didn’t expect the worst was when I was diagnosed with cancer. I know here is another blog about cancer, but it’s May. And much like Septemeber, I always feel more competitive about my cancer story.

Honesty

I need to be kinder to myself. I need to cut myself a break when I struggle with fandom or with what someone says something not so lovely. I need to forgive myself for the mistakes I made. I need to acknowledge that sometimes I am tired and that it's okay to nap. And by taking a nap does not mean my Cancer has come back. I need to be honest with myself.

Today

Today I am thankful for Christ and his sacrifice, that I am forgiven and loved by the creator of the universe. I am grateful for my readers, who allow me to write and be a writer who has been my dream for years. I am thankful for the hope that comes with sunrises. I am grateful for mornings like today where the anxiety is not drowning me.

Back at Square 1

Life sometimes is taking two steps forward and sometimes 3 steps back and with challenges makes us grow. They help us mature and become more whole. This is the way that God designed it, and yes sometimes I get frustrated and stressed. But I also know that God provides, he knows my heart and that someday those wants will be granted. It is about being patient and entirely relying on God even during bad times.

Fandoms that Surprised me

Fandoms that Surprised me    I took a mental break on Monday, that's why there was no blog. Monday started with taking the car that we have owned for six months to get the brakes fixed only to be told that it was much more expensive then it the vehicle is worth.  That sent us into…

Fanfictions leads to Blogging

I think writing fanfictions was that first step of bravery to publish my thoughts online. It was the first step to be accepting of people’s criticism. I am the type that if you say something in a negative tone toward me, I will backtrack to make you happy.

A mustard seed faith????

Mustard seed faith is not a checklist faith. It’s not an achievement unlocked. It just has faith in those times when I need to call out to God the most. It is having names for my future children even though I don’t know if this will happen. It’s praying to God to help with our finances when a change made and being aware that he has. It’s looking forward to a vacation and praying for that vacation. It’s praying for your spouse and seeing them become good-natured and slow to become angry. Faith like a mustard seed is those everyday moments when you call out to God and trust that he has control over your life. It is reading your Bible every day to keep the relationship with God alive, even though you may not hear God speaking. It is praying for dinner and giving thanks for the food.

Easter

This is a different kind of Hope. This hope takes the fear away from death. It’s a hope of forgiveness. It’s the hope that regardless of what I do and however I mess up. God will love me and forgive me. It’s about choice. Having a relationship with God is a choice. Accepting Jesus as your savior is a choice. Choosing to follow God every single day and forgiving myself on the days I stray is a choice. Easter is the epilogue of the story. It’s the post credit scene for a movie where the ending is not great. It’s the hope of something more. Easter is a promise of a better life and the promise that there is light at the end of the tunnel of life.

Movies

It’s no secret that Jman and I like to collect movies, we have over 300. We have classics like Oklahoma and Shawshank Redemption, to newer films such as Zootopia and The Legend of Tarzan.

New Normal

New normal is not easy. There are days when routine helps. However, there are still days when I feel the familiar cold sensation of being back in the doctor's chair and feeling like I'm still going through it.

Lessons from Jman

However, Jman has taught me that Jesus wanted the idea of love to be without filters or blinders. It doesn’t discriminate by orientation, skin color, favorite superhero, football team, or even political understanding. It does not discriminate by religion or IQ.

Reading

Reading has been my escape, much like this blog has been a sounding board for my life, reading has shaped my life to examine the world, be observant and it's okay to get lost in a book.

God is in Charge

God in charge of our finances, he is in charge of how many breaths I take, and he knows how many hairs on my head. He also knows what interactions are going to happen. He knows what events I will go to and who will be there and if what they say will make me upset.

Going on Dates

We even try to go on dates while we are on vacation. I know what your thinking, you are already spending money on holiday. But taking time out of the hustle and bustle of even being on vacation is essential.

My love affair with old churches

Finally Church and having a place to worship is, but it doesn’t need to be a church with gilded steeples( although they are beautiful) it can be humble, a living room, a place that is sacred and maintained that allows for the beauty, respect and finally God’s voice to filter in.

Extending Grace vs. Making excuses

I try to extend grace before getting angry, not because I want to excuse the wrong but because this is what God wants us to do. He is very clear on being slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to become angry. God wants us to hear and be slow to grow angry. God describes an angry tongue as a horrible sword.

100%

Just being able to sit with me and have coffee relishing in the normalness for a few minutes I’m just a customer at a coffee shop. And our friendship survived because of that support.

Curveballs

This creates focus, acceptance and finally healing. Sometimes a curve ball can make us feel bruised and overused. Knowing that God is in control and will manage is hard for someone who likes to plans.

Being a Collector

There is order to my collections and joy in the unusual. There is money spent, but at the end of the day, that’s okay because my collections make me smile. They bring me joy and finally help see a glimmer of beauty in a dark world.

If we Shadows Have Offended

It's Poetry Saturday and I have been so busy this week that I almost forgot about Poetry Saturday!!! If We Shadows have Offended, From Midsummer's Night Dream By William Shakespeare If we shadows have offended,Think but this and all is mended,That you have but slumber'd hereWhile these visions did appear.And this weak and idle theme,No…

Plans

Yes, plans are essential, but so is being spontaneous. Breathing and taking a day that isn's scheduled that is fine too. Life is not about the lists you make but the journey you choose to get there. I don’t make resolutions, but I do take time to breathe. Take time to relax. I still have my lists. Focusing too much on the future distracts from the now and life is lived moment by moment. Moreover, if you are blazing through, then you forget to stop and observe what’s around you.

Dear Friend

Dear Friend, please listen for the cues if I say I’m okay. I may need to tell someone that I had a lousy week and may need someone to say it will be okay. I may say I’m okay not knowing if I am or not. Please don’t just breeze past me taking okay as good.