Changing my Perspective

 

I know we are probably tired of hearing about my cancer journey, I’m tired of writing about it. However, it is still September and like I’ve mentioned before September always makes me reflective for life. And it’s still September!!!

 

September is the month where all those life questions rise from the bottom of the pot and need to be examined. Those questions like Why did this happen? Why me Lord? Why do I have to suffer? What is your plan in all of this? Why is my life so hard?

 

At the beginning of my cancer journey, I remember driving home with Jman and I told him, I didn’t want to be angry at God and I didn’t want to spend my entire treatment fixating on the Whys.

 

When I was a teenager, I moved with my family, Instead of embracing my new surroundings. I sat in my room angry and reading comic books. I spent a year and a half being miserable and making life miserable for my family. I was consumed by whys and anger. I remember being at Hume lake and listening to the speaker preach about being angry at God and how to make a change. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt like I needed to surrender everything in my life to God.

 

I got baptized the November following that camp. I stepped out on this new journey knowing God was truly in control of my life and I didn’t want to be in the driver seat anymore.

 

Spring forward again to the beginning of my cancer journey.  I remember driving home with Jman. It was dark and the darkness seemed to reflect the mood of unknowns. I told Jman that I didn’t want to spend this journey we were on consumed with the whys. I knew that my spiritual life would not survive fixating on the whys. And being angry with God would not be conducive for healing.

 

There are moments when Jman says things that are so simple that helps me believe that he was sent from God for me. Jman just responded “Okay we will not ask why.” it was so simple and direct but it was what I needed.

 

So we started a journey and made people aware that we were not asking why. We stepped forward on the journey that was filled with unknowns but stood fast without asking God the whys. Although others did not join us on this path of trusting God and there were times when Why crept in. We did not fixate on it. That change of perspective allowed me to see the blessings raining down.

 

During cancer treatments, I was seeing a counselor and at one point we were talking whys. And she mentioned that even if you asked God why you may not like the answer. This has stayed with me. God may have an answer that I did not like.

 

Throughout this journey, I have learned a few things. Asking why is a waste of time and it creates a hopeless searching for unknowns instead of seeing the blessings. Judgment belongs to God.

 

God is in control and sees the bigger picture. Bad things happen to good people and its hard. But remember God knows the plan. Fighting God and searching for answers are not conducive to healing but instead strangling.

Strangling out the blessing, strangling out the hope and strangling out the beauty of God’s plan.

   

Even today I try not to fixate on Whys. September still is a hard month, with the deaths of friends. Searching for apartments, remembering how hard it was to start my cancer journey and knowing how scared I was. All those emotions strangle my love for September.  Whys crept in and at that moment I remember I don’t want to be in the driver seat. God is in control. He has a plan. That’s more comforting than the whys.

 

How do I combat the whys? Positive and encouraging music. Prayers. Daily Devotions. And Patience to understand the bigger picture even if means I’m waiting for my entire life. Focus on the blessings. And I change my perspective.

 

1 Peter 1:5-7

5 And through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see.

6 So be truly glad.[b] There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. 7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

Are you struggling with the whys? There is hope at the end of the tunnel. Let me know if I can pray for you.

TTFN and God Bless you and Keep you.

 

 

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