Reflections on September

Reflections on September

September is here!!!

September is here and along with all the emotions. Of course, it didn’t help to look at my facebook page and see that September is Blood cancer awareness month. There are moments that I’m right back getting tested for a mass and other I look back and surprised that it has been 6 years.

September was supposed to be my fairytale dream.

Our anniversary is in September and I remember 2010 right before getting married feeling excited about our future together and forging together. I also was nervous and unsure and trusting God.

This trust was different from today’s trust.

It was very different from this trust in God. It was almost childlike, I knew God would provide. I knew he would not let me down. He had never let me down.

Flash forward to 2011, I ended up getting pneumonia and having a chest x-ray. My doctor called me back and I pressed what was wrong. There was a mass in my chest. Suddenly my world spiraled into controlled chaos.  A week before my anniversary we got the final diagnosis and it was stage 2 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I started Chemo at end of October and my faith was different. I trusted God because walking away from God seemed scarier than following his path.

Jman and I decided at the beginning of this journey a few things. Number one was we wouldn’t ask why. He and I stepped forward deciding that we avoid getting angry at God. This wasn’t an easy decision because we were fighting an unjust disease but I knew from past experiences that living in anger at God created a life full of bitterness. Number 2 we would take each moment as it comes and covers everything in prayer. We also had to ask for help which very hard.

My faith changed, instead of following God in a childlike way, I desperately clung to God. I knew straying from the path he destined was filled with no safety net.

It’s 2018. I got a clean bill of health in May 2012. It has been six years. September started and I feel the same melancholy feeling. The sadness of what happened, happiness for still being here. Not even going down the road of what if and whys because of those feed bitterness and fear.  Life is different post cancer and somehow the same.

I can’t describe how life is different. It just is. My faith is different too. My trust in God’s plan is stronger. I just know God is taking care of things. God has intervened so many times on our behalf that it is amazing. My prayer life has changed too. I pray constantly, and I’m not afraid to ask for prayers.

Proverbs 3:5-8

Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

   Do not depend on your own understanding.

6 In all your ways obey him.

   Then he will make your paths smooth and straight.

7 Don’t be wise in your own eyes.

   Have respect for the Lord and avoid evil.

8 That will bring health to your body.

   It will make your bones strong.

How does September make you feel? Happy? Excited? Sad?

TTFN and God bless You and Keep you