Life as Cancer Survivor
I’m a cancer survivor. I know I have said this before, sometimes I have to say it out loud to remind myself.
The end of August to September always makes me feel melancholy and reflective.
How does life work now that I have a new normal?
Most days it’s just every other day. I go to work. Pray Make dinner. Pray. Watch Tv. Pray. Go to sleep, repeat.
Then there are days that strike me down. And those days are the hardest because It always feels like I’ve been sent to jail, cannot pass go, cannot collect 200 dollars and I’m rolling the dice and hoping for doubles and nothing is working.
A friend, a family member, A friend of a friend, all of these strike a chord in my heart. It makes me sad that someone else must endure what I endured. Coupled with that is Survivor’s guilt. There is a voice in my head that asks “Why am I here, why did I survive?, Why was my case so easy compared to others?” Usually, I can turn up my music to drown out that voice. But on days where others join this walk, some days I feel like not saying anything about my journey. But then God’s voice thunders through the noise and answers simply “Danie, you have a story, I have given you a voice. Share it”
Sad days are like the rains of California, they come out of nowhere and they come in a torrent with knocking over trees and power lines and flooding streets. It’s days where I’m sad because of friends who lost to this disease. Things I’ve lost. Like having a normal first anniversary, a clean health record, and how our dreams had to be put on hold because of cancer. Very rarely there are days where I mourn my life before cancer.
Fear days are days when my fears crowd in and overwhelm. I get anxious and nervous about things. It could be I have a cold and stressing about my fever getting too high. Meeting a new doctor or seeing my oncologist. Anxiety makes it hard to breathe, the only way I can help my self is to pray and reach out to other as and ask for prayers.
Headaches days are probably the worst, these days are filled with water, aspirin and usually Netflix. Its a day where I sit on the couch because my whole body hurts. It’s usually a day that I hoped to get a lot done and my body says no.
I believe you have to take the good with the bad and usually, God sends me little reminders that I am not just surviving.
Friends will reach out and remind me how important I am.
Jman will bring me a candy bar.
I will hear a song on the radio that was my anthem during my fight.
My mom will call.
Life goes on.
I reread one of my favorite verses.
Here are some positive things I learned since I had cancer.
I’m less scared.
I enjoy cheesecake now.
I know family is important.
Vacations are important.
Being outside is important.
I don’t have to have any tests except blood tests once a year.
I have a roof over my head.
Jman is a wonderful husband(He was one before that too :))
I have a voice from God and I need to use it.
Prayer is powerful.
God gives and takes away. Its hard sometimes but his plan is perfect.
Friendships are more than 5-minute check-ins. They take work and sometimes require loss. Being busy is not an excuse for friendship.
Beauty can be found everywhere.
Cancer changed my life but doesn’t define my life.
Just walking with someone is enough.
Bad days happen but they will be outnumbered by the good days.
Do you have bad days? Do you have good days? What are your ways of dealing with the bad days?
My brothers and sisters, you will face all kinds of trouble. When you do, think of it as pure joy. 3 Your faith will be tested. You know that when this happens it will produce in you the strength to continue. 4 And you must allow this strength to finish its work. Then you will be all you should be. You will have everything you need. 5 If any of you needs wisdom, you should ask God for it. He will give it to you. God gives freely to everyone and doesn’t find fault. 6 But when you ask, you must believe. You must not doubt. That’s because a person who doubts is like a wave of the sea. The wind blows and tosses them around.
TTFN and God Bless and Keep you