He knows my tears and catches them in his nail, scarred hands. However, my anger at God doesn’t change his plan. It does make his voice louder when he clears out the lies I tell myself, and then I turn back to him knowing that his plan is best and reasons are best.

First thing: is prayer. I have talked about prayer and the importance of prayer. I believe that prayers are the thing that helps me with those moments when I am struggling with forgiveness. Prayer helps on those nights when I can't sleep because I am I struggling with hurtful words that are rolling around in my brain. I even pray with some people who are harmful to intent. I pray for God to pour forgiveness into my bitterness.

God is one who carries me through the struggles of infertility. God is one who sends friends when I struggle with loneliness. God is the one who provides the apartment that I rent and the food I eat.