Melancholy descends again.
It’s the end of march and melancholy descends again. It struck a few times last week, and it’s always associated with objects. March was the month 7 years ago I was finishing up my chemo treatments, knowing that I was done with chemicals moving throughout my system and resided that radiation was the next step. I was exhausted and tired and feeling scared and sad. There is a saying for people who belong in fandom, all the feels and in March of 2012 I was feeling all the feelings and feeling very raw and exposed. Last week I was cleaning my house for the event I was hosting and decided to go through our blanket chest.
In this chest were blankets, I’m kinda a blanket hoarder, but there were three quilts that someone made for me during cancer treatments. Which made me remember about the hat shower that I was given. I was so grateful at the time to have friends buy me hats in case I lost my hair. 3 beautiful quilts were given as well and as beautiful as they are. They are painful to look at because they remind me of a tough time. So they stay hidden in the blanket trunk.
Last night I needed to get my camera charged and once I opened the drawer, nestled in the back was a cheap pair of babies shoes. A couple summers ago, I thought I was expecting, and in our hopeful joy, we bought these shoes to make the baby announcement. I wasn’t expecting and now looking at this pair brought back the joy and hope we felt and now the sadness of our journey. I have basically given this dream to God in hopes that someday it will happen.
Melancholy descended and clouds my heart. Things that usually bring me joy are clouded with bitterness, hurt, and distrust. During this time of melancholy, I need to remember to take each moment as it comes. During these moments of sadness, I remember to fix my eyes on God and remember to allow myself to be forgiving of myself. I also ask for peace. I know this time will pass and to force myself to move past it before it’s time can also be damaging. God knows this time will descend and then move on. And during those moments of sadness, I look for positive things. God sends little blessings sometimes in the form of flowers, animals but also a kind word from friends. This season will pass, and I will find happiness again.
But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
1 John 1:9
TTFN and God Bless you and Keep you