Positive people have dark sides
First, let me say thank you for your patience last Wednesday where there was no blog. Writing a blog that day was stressing me out, and I knew I needed to take a brain vacation where I didn’t process anything and just watched Netflix all day. Now I’m back and ready to write again
I am generally what society would call a positive person. I look for the best in everything. I love the sunshine, and I love looking at the world at half full kinda view. I spend a lot of my time being loving, kind and drama free when I have interactions with people. However, as I learned to be a happy-go-lucky sunshine princess, there is a dark side to being positive all the time.
Ah yes, the dreaded dark side. It’s not like the Star Wars fandom likes to think about it. It is not wearing dark clothes and walking around like Darth Vader and wreaking havoc. No, it’s much worse than that. Its when my inner voice gets so loud that it crowds everything else out. It is that voice that says I’m a failure, I’m too much into this fandom, I can’t do anything right. It’s the voice that means all my dreams need to smash because they will never come true. It is when small changes at work create ripples of self-doubt that make me think even things that are second nature, I second guess.
This past weekend I spent some time on the dark side. I was worried and nervous, my inner voice was screaming all my faults and conversations that I had with Jman were filled with anger, sadness, fear, and tears. It was one of those moments when we were angry at life circumstances but not, but to anyone who was an outsider we would look like were are arguing. Yes, there is a dark side.
How do I move out of the dark side? I wish it were just as more natural to take my lightsaber and destroy the inner voice in my head. Wreak havoc on my imaginary bookcase of dreams and start fresh, however sometimes starting fresh is scarier than just clearing off the bookshelf.
First I have to reassure my self that the dark side is just a season. It will pass, and the sun will break through. Just like Ecclesiastes says there is a time for dancing, mourning, singing, and sadness. Being on the dark side will soon pass.
Second. I clear out the clutter in my mind. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with life because I forget to do my normal routine. Which includes my devotionals, reading my bible, listening to positive music. I pray. Last week I took a break from reading my Bible toward the end of the week and Thursday was the day that I found myself on the dark side. My inner voice is sometimes louder than my heavenly father’s voice and when that happens. I find myself on the dark side.
Thirdly I focus on things that make me smile. Such as sunflowers, funko pops, a picture of Jman and I. I often find myself falling head over heels into fandoms as well( which sometimes that makes the dark side harder). I cherish when there are kind words said to me as compliments. I focus on positive things.
Fourth, I pray. I pray for myself and peace. I pray for Jman and his answers when approaching my dark side. I pray for those who I feel like are combatants in my dark side, and I pray to hear God’s voice.
Finally, I keep moving forward. Dark sides happen. Just as the hero’s cycle has a pit, I strive to learn as much as I can during those moments of the dark side. I keep moving one foot in front of the other and attempt to keep searching for the Son. I keep my eyes focused on God, on things I need to do around my life. I take joy in conversations with people who didn’t know I needed to talk to someone who just loves me for me. Like Sis who out of the blue IMed me last week and it was like a balm to my hard heart. Or the co-worker who complimented my blogs and told me that she knew what to pray for. Those conversations helped bring back the sun. I watch a sappy movie, and for a few hours, my inner voice calmed allowing breathing time and peace. I also don’t bottle up my feelings. God gave me Jman, and because he is fantastic, I make sure to share what I am feeling with him. So yes we have those difficult conversations, but we are doing life together. Finally, finally, I smile. Sometimes just the act of smiling can ease the burden and dark side of my heart.
3 For everything, there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
TTFN and God BLess and Keep You