May 18th 2020

May 18th 

Good Morning, How are you? I know it’s been a hot minute since I wrote here. How am I? We have been on Shelter in Place since March 16th, Two months. During that time, my life hasn’t changed that much, but at the same time, it has changed a lot. 

Most of you who have been here a while know I am a teacher. All of my classes transitioned to online. During that transition, my approach to teaching changed, and suddenly years of instructing had to be relearned, and I went through weeks of evaluating my self worth as a teacher and struggling to learn the online tools. It was a gut check for sure. I have always been with computers on a fundamental level this period, I had to learn a new skill quickly and with an audience of sometimes 18 students.

Life slowed and sped up at the same time, the only example I have to relate to is when I went through cancer treatments. And truthfully, I feel like I am less anxious to be outside because, for months, I had to be careful how often I went out and interacted with others. 

Another thing I’ve struggled with during this time is the everyday struggle. My hubby and I are trying to get pregnant, and it is still not happening. Mother’s day came and went, and I had one friend reach out and acknowledged that Mother’s day is not the best day for people to struggle with loss. That’s the only way to describe the ache I feel. Loss. The loss for a person I’ve never met, the loss for the chance of dream. My Hubby and I talked about in January starting the testing why we are not getting pregnant in April. Much like the rest of the world, those plans were postponed. 

During this time, I have had time to think about a lot of things. Church, my relationships, where I should live. And many other things. However, there have a lot of blessings, as well. Much like when I went through my cancer treatments. This time has shown me who my friends are, how my faith works when it is not facilitated through obligations or church sometimes. How my relationship is with other people.

I started this year being present. Being present for myself means listening to God. trying to hear his voice when the world crowds in. What I’ve learned is God still speaking, even when the world stops. At home, I’ve learned the importance of connection, such as calling people and video chatting people, is essential. Praying and reaching out to God. But also being willing to ask for help.

God provides, and I am learning that the things I don’t need. I don’t need it. Sometimes something as simple as making the bed help me feel like the rest of the day will go better. Chores that I put off I find myself doing. This is a hard time, but there are pockets of joy. Friends who care reach out. The family doesn’t change good or bad. God still provides. The world continues. I know for many, this seems like dire times. But God remains constant and is loving and hoping to help you through. 

For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do.

Hebrews 6:10 NLT

TTFN and God Bless and Keep you 🙂

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