Names I’ve assigned to myself
When I was 5, I looked at my nickname and decided that Dani with i looked normal. So I told my parents that I wanted to add the ie. So then I became Danie with an E. So began my journey of names I assigned to myself. As I grew, I picked other names throughout my life. Rogue Princess combined my love for Star Wars and Disney Princesses and My love for Rogue from the X-men comics. Queen Peacock became a name from a friend that was a joke; however, then transformed into a name I embraced as fan-fiction name. My Friends assigned the names such as Strawberry, Pippi, Pepper Ann, Peppermint Patty, big Red. These names I never had a secure attachment to these nicknames.
I went to a Women’s Retreat last weekend. On Saturday evening, the speaker talked about names that we have latched on to as women. This exercise involved taking those negative names that I have attached to myself and replace them with a Scripture name. Much Like when Jacob wrestled with God overnight, and God assigned him the name, Isreal.
My names were the following three words:
Cursed, unworthy, failure.
These are the names that I’ve assigned to myself. Cursed because I got cancer and now are unable to get pregnant. (Although I know all these things are out my hands. I associated cancer and infertility as a curse) You know those statistics of 1 in 4 will get cancer. I now part of a statistic.
Unworthy because I haven’t stepped into parenthood. When I was younger right after cancer treatments, it was unworthy because my health record had the cancer spot. Unworthy of other things such as owning a house. Unworthy of making enough money to live comfortably and unworthy of dusting off some of my aspirations.
Failure because I wasn’t able to go to school right now. Failure because I wasn’t able to solve the login issue. Inability because I couldn’t control things in my life, such as anxiety and regret.
The activity required picking up a name based on scripture. The one I grabbed said he bought you and sought you with his redeeming blood.
The thing that struck me about this name. That God chased me and purchased me. Then his blood that is redeeming. His blood is healing and redeeming me. God chose me and redeemed me. His blood, for someone who has a blood cancer we focus on blood, has cleansed me and redeemed me.
He redeemed me. He is in charge of my life. His will be done. His plan is most excellent. I am not cursed. I am not unworthy. I am not a failure. God’s blood has redeemed me and made me whole.
Daniel 4:36 New International Version (NIV)
36 At the same time that my sanity was restored, my honor and splendor were returned to me for the glory of my kingdom. My advisers and nobles sought me out, and I was restored to my throne and became even greater than before.
TTFN and God Bless and Keep You.