Good Morning Friends, how are you? How was your weekend? We went to the zoo with some dear friends. Now I know what you are thinking. Danie, why would you go somewhere with kids around, doesn’t it make your situation harder? Yes and No.
Until I have kids of my own, I want to observe and learn as much as I can. Sometimes that means going places with there are kids. And typically, when I’m at a place like a zoo I get to observe many types of families and learn how to approach every situation. Also, our friends we went with have a 3-year-old and if I had decided not to be friends with them because we are in different life stages. I would be very lonely.
Jman and I have things we will still want to do even though as a couple, also when we not are blessed with children. One of the things I love about Jman is that he continues to focus on my happiness. So there will probably be days where when we have kids we go places just the two of us. Our relationship is more important than if we have kids or not. And doing things just us will be the most crucial part of our relationship.
Every time I go somewhere with kids, there is always a worry that I might start crying, or the waves of feeling sorry for myself will come. Or that someone will comment on why we don’t have kids. All of these things can make for a bad day. However, this is also a fear of mine. And if I let this fear now rule my life, I don’t live my life. Because of the waves of sadness and frustration sometimes come in the grocery store. I cannot allow this fear to dictate my life. Because then, I will not do anything. I love Zoos. I like shopping. This time is just a season, and because we are not getting pregnant does not mean that I have to stop enjoying those things I love. Yes, there will be bad days and good days. I believe the good days outweigh the bad.
Finally going to these places gives me hope how wonderful it will be when we have little ones. Sometimes dreaming at home is hard because it’s sometimes limiting. But when we go to these places such as the Zoo or Disneyland. It gives me hope to experience this with a little one. To see what they see. It gives me hope, and much like Emily Dickenson said, hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul And sings a tune without words and never stops at all. Hope is the things that continue to prevent me from curling up into a ball and shutting out life. I hope that someday I will have kids, and I’ll get to use the names on the list that I’ve had on my phone for years. I hope that someday I will be able to love a child and watch as Jman gets to be the awesome dad I know he will be. I hope that someday, God will answer our prayers. Hope doesn’t stop. It continues and grows and moves mountains.
Job 4:6
Doesn’t your reverence for God give you confidence? Doesn’t your life of integrity give you hope?
TTFN May God bless you and Keep you:)
Danie with an E reflections 