Bonus Blog Tuesday and Processing
Today is Tuesday morning, and I know what you are thinking. Danie, it’s a Tuesday, not a blogging day, go back to bed, or look at your ships on Tumblr or go on Pinterest. I am right there with you in that argument but this morning is like so many I’ve had before. However, this hasn’t happened lately. I can’t sleep, I’m sore from sleeping wrong or going to bed too early, and the worst thing is that I’m processing everything that my brain hurts. I say it is familiar because I use to have these mornings every couple of days, but since Jman’s schedule changed I haven’t had a morning like this in three months.
Writing is part of my processing, yay for Bonus blogs. I am a processor, which is ironic because in my Senior year of high school there were boys in my English class who called me a Pentium processor. My last name sounded like processor to them. What I mean I over analyze everything, and then that makes me anxious, and then I’m on the roller coaster named regrets, remorse, and reluctance. And this roller coaster digs up 32 years of crud that has been boiling at the bottom of the pot.
You ask what caused this push back to square 1? An uncomfortable interaction at work yesterday. It wasn’t the worst interaction I’ve had, and it wasn’t the best, but it was just one that made me feel very confused and analyzing some of the policies and procedures at work. This leads to worrying about a meeting that I have to go tomorrow. To be concerned about my mattress and this leading to my shoulder hurting, to regret that I’ve gained weight, to remorse over things that I did when my family lived in the first house and finally sadness about something that happened at the beginning of the quarter. Don’t tell me I’m too sensitive because that will lead to over analyzing and beating myself up for being too painful.
There are some days when I feel like I’m failing at being an adult.
So how do I cope?
I drink tea. I do not believe in mystics, or magical objects or lucky objects. But I do think that I can focus better with a cup of tea in my hand. Maybe its the warmth from the cup leaching into my skin to help me focus or just the aroma that calms me down or the sugar sending my brain into overdrive. It is therapeutic and helpful.
I read my bible. This will be second on my list this morning because I needed to write first.
I will talk to Jman, and this usually helps, however, there are times that we are both human and we react to each other wrong.
I tend to avoid things that make me anxious. Such school grades, or uncomfortable people.
I extend grace. I try to stay positive. I pray for myself to have peace and knowledge when I am over analyzing. I stay busy.
I take time to turn off my brain. Sometimes not thinking about things makes it easier. So we will watch a movie, or I’ll read a book. Or even surfing tumbler for my favorite couples helps as well.
I count my blessings, yes this quarter was hard, yes today I’m feeling anxious, but I’m cancer free, don’t have to do chemotherapy, have a wonderful husband, and excellent support system. I am loved and cared for, Rent is paid for March, we have groceries and gas for our cars, it’s not raining again til next week. Yesterday is just a blip on the Richter scale and it too shall past.
Today is a new day, I can’t worry about tomorrow because that brings more trouble.
And God Ordained each trial and tribulation to help make me stronger. To help me grow and determine what I want from life. Even if its a list of cons, that helps me improve. There is a season for everything, and God is in every season.
And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.
2 Peter 1:4
TTFN and God Bless you and Keep you