Terminating a friendship.

   Have you ever ended a friendship? I have, and I can’t say that I’m proud of myself. I walked away from friends who stood by me when it difficult only because the way friendship felt was that friend fixing me. I lost a friend when the relationship became too toxic for me to handle even though the friend needed help. I stopped sharing with a friend and pulled away because the friend became unhealthy casting blame and almost revealing my secrets for the world to see. Then there is time, distance, locations, and things that happen that causes friendships to break.

   I admit that making friends is hard for me. I don’t know where it stems from If it was because I was homeschooled maybe because I have a younger sister with special needs. Or perhaps because I had a lisp and talked differently. It could also be that I am a conservative Christian and can read who is a good friend. I don’t think the latter is a reason why I can’t make friends. Throughout my life, I have always had a handful of friends. Making friends is hard, and losing friends is even harder.

   I mourn their loss, even when I am the one to walk away. I analyze every moment and try to decipher where I went wrong and how can I change to make it work next time. I agonize over the loss of friendship and if I made the right decision. I mourn the happy memories and sometimes tell myself don’t be the moth to the flame don’t get too close. So I shut out other friends for fear that everyone will be like the friend who I left behind. Then there is the cancer card. Oh yes, the cancer card. It’s never my favorite card — that friend who supported me and cared for me.  And I walked away from them after cancer because my life was drastically changed, those friendships haunt me. I kick myself over those friendships. I wish I had the hindsight to know when I felt lonely later on in life to just forgive and forget and keep going through friendship.

   I don’t believe friendships are onesided. I have relationships like that and they are not healthy. A true friendship is give and take, going out to dinner and not caring who pays, praying for each other, being safe with each other and making sure that those things told in confidence don’t bubble up for the world to see.

   I don’t believe friendships are something that you have just to get through. If friendship is something you are just surviving, then it is not a healthy friendship.

   If you have a family member, who is close as a friend but then becomes unhealthy, they are still family, and you have to love them, but you can create distance to help protect yourself, maybe not follow them so much on social media.

   Any friend we should be loving anyways but remembering that your well being is essential. God gives us challenging relationships to remember to love and pray for those people we don’t get along. Another thing to remember is to pray for forgiveness on your end. Bitterness can be a horrible way to live your life. Lately, when I feel the bitterness creep into, that I ask God to pour in forgiveness, forgiveness is an action that needs to be 70×7. It needs to happen again and again and again. I hope that my friends forgive me when I mess up too.

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

1 John 3:18 NLT

TTFN and God Bless you and Keep you

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