It’s September, and I have mostly been able to avoid the typical September blues. However, reflecting on life comes with September. And most people reflect on the year in December, I reflect in September.
So far, 2019 has been calmer than in previous years. However, there have been moments of questioning what my purpose is in this world. Where do my husband and I fit? I started school, and then God shut that door. Which I was sad and felt like a failure but also relieved because my heart was only half in it.
Jman made a hard decision to leave one of his two jobs. One job was more of his heart job. He works 7 days a week at his fulltime job. I told God that we didn’t need the money, I wanted my husband happy, and the arguments that we had were not worth the 200 dollars. Thankfully God has provided every month to pay our rent.
So circle back to the question what is my purpose. I haven’t come to an answer yet. I have glimpses of where God needs me. How well I work with special needs individuals. My love for writing. How sometimes a significant change that I balk and avoid. However, when I embrace it is secure.
One thing I’ve learned is that writing is a double edge sword. I take to it quickly, however, the filtering and translating to the page is more laborious. I see the world pretty black and white. I am an empath, and my moral compass is very straight. So sometimes the way I see a situation is different from it was actually perceived. If I had a nickel for whenever someone has told me, “you need not be emotional, or even you need to move on,” I would be a little richer. Sometimes my fear of the world crashing in prevents me from writing. However if its something like a fanfiction. I can write for days. Without any qualms about my reader’s thoughts or feelings.
It’s also funny how my photography blogs are often more well-read than just me spilling my thoughts.
I haven’t figured out my purpose, but I believe that this is the journey we call life. Sometimes we are like rivers forging ahead to carve out the landscape. Sometimes we create curves, and there are waterfalls, occasionally we freeze, but the water keeps going. And a river’s purpose is just to keep going, bring life to others, and a be a support to others.
TTFN and God Bless and Keep You
Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.