I am flawed
Today is, and I’ve started two blogs that didn’t make the cut. I have worries swirling in my brain, and I have a headache forming. I didn’t sleep well last night even though I went to bed at a reasonable time. I am sore. Soothing music is distracting. My introverted brain is flaring up, and I feel like hiding from work and staying home and watching Netflix. However, it won’t happen because I have responsibilities.

I'm a funny person. I can suffer through lots of pain, but headaches are my kryptonite. I have a bottle of medicine specifically for migraines.

I am a walking contradiction. On the days that I do nothing, at the end of the day, I feel dissatisfied about the lack of things I got done.  I could complain about all the things that are sending my worries up. Things like big decisions such as Rent, car decisions, savings decisions. Small things like what's the next chapter of my fanfiction will be like and when I can write it. Worrying about vacuuming, and when I am going to have time to breathe.

Last night I went on a date with Jman and like most dates we took pictures and when I looked at the picture of myself, I thought "Danie, you look so big, "Or your hair makes you look like a lion when you curl it like that"" Then the self disliking voice awoke and plagued my dreams last night.  

I do not like foods without texture, like pudding. I do not like cottage cheese. I don't like rewarmed hard boiled eggs. I don't like dark chocolate, I usually don't like candy bars with nuts in them unless it's snickers. 

I am flawed; however, I strive not to let others see those flaws. I don’t let others see me cry when I am sad. I attempt to control my temper. I only show the B-roll of my life. It always makes me wonder if I was more open with others would they turn and run away. Would I be the drama creating the person who I strive to not be? If my facade cracked, would people accept me?

The answer that gives me hope is that my heavenly father has already accepted me and forgave me. He allows me with open arms and takes all my flaws and makes them beautiful. He molds and forms those times when I am too hard on my self and extends grace and comfort. He loves and cares for me. Even though I am flawed, in God’s eyes, I am flawless. It’s not a hard choice either, it just accepting that God is sovereign, and he created the world. Jesus Christ was sent to be sacrificed to cleanse the world of its sin.

But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him. His salvation extends to the children’s children of those who are faithful to his covenant, of those who obey his commandments!
Psalm 103:17-18

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