Exhausted but Still Showing Up.

I’m Exhausted today but I still show up.

Today I’m struggling to find words not because I don’t have any. But because these past few weeks I have been stressed and I am struggling with censoring and calming my thoughts. I know you want me to be open. But there is a difference to being honest and open and being cruel. And today I want to share what has made me stressed but I don’t want to involve names or ridicule people.

I have said this before I am an empath. It sounds much cooler in the Xmen comics. I actually prefer the term sponge. And today I feel exhausted. Work is winding down before a break and people are stressed which causes them to say and do things that are not the most professional. There are family issues that have affected Me and Jman emotionally and it has taken more than 3 days to process. I’m Starting school in January for a graduate degree and there is anxiety coming forward and self-doubt. Jman and I have had a hard year. A lot of prayers. Lots of trusting God. and Being patient for God to say yes.

Today I’m exhausted and my spongy heart is drained.  The world seems a little too loud, people seem a little too needy and I am censoring myself to remain Godly and kind.

Why am I censoring myself you ask with a raised eyebrow?

I value myself as being someone who doesn’t cause drama. I also don’t want to be unkind to people.

And as tempting as it is to come on this platform and fling mud at people. I also know quite a few of my readers and that would be unprofessional and unkind. Meanness doesn’t solve anything except create more meanness. It becomes a domino effect where people respond with more meanness.

What helps during times of exhaustion?

I create boundaries for myself. Whether it is working from my desk or home if I can. Creating boundaries for myself helps me to be able to process in a world where boundaries are off limits.

I also acknowledge that these emotions are my issue. I am not making excuses. I know I’m stressed. I haven’t been sleeping as well as I like. Finances are tight and Jman and I are tired after a long day. I know I over process things too. With all these issues I also read my Bible every day. Lately, I have been rereading Psalm and sometimes Psalm is a roller coaster in the way David writes that it’s not conducive for someone who is struggling. When that happens I reread verses that I’ve clung too. Verses like Matthew 6:34 which states Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, for each day will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Or James 1:2-3 Whenever you face trials of many kinds, take joy because these trials create perseverance, and perseverance creates maturity.

I reach out to others to pray as well. Usually just my parents but sometimes I have some close friends who also will respond.

I take joy in things that make me smile. Like my Christmas decorations. I celebrate with friends. I make my favorite Christmas treats. Even when they don’t turn out the same as I remember. I watch Christmas movies.

I try to avoid Facebook. Many of my friends and different family members are posting pictures of their kids in Christmas pageants and meeting Santa. It makes me sad that I’m not there yet, but I can make a boundary and limit how much facebook I use.

I pray for myself and my emotions. I know that God made who I am and that there is a reason I am a sponge. Sometimes I find myself getting frustrated that I feel so much or absorb so much but then I have to remind myself that praying God can shift my focus. He can take away my pain. He brings peace. Yes, there are days where I wish he would have made me like my husband. Jman is almost wrapped in clingfilm he absorbs nothing and worries about nothing. But I also realize I am who I am. That can’t be changed.

Chocolate also helps. 🙂

I own it. Today I’m exhausted, It’s okay because we have exhausted days. Jman always likes to say it’s not a sprint its a marathon. I will still do my work. Still, Show up for work and try to be the Christian to everyone I meet. I’ll be respectful and kind. I may not engage everyone in conversation and that’s okay. God will give me peace. He will carry me through this day. And at the end a bad day there are some truths I cling too. 1. God Loves Me that he sent Jesus to die for Me so that I can have eternal life. 2. I have more than 10 people who love me and just because one person doesn’t isn’t the end of the world. 3. God sends blessings and during a time of trials, I take joy in those blessings. 4. Finally, as Anne Shirley once said tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes.

How are you doing today?

Psalm 128:1-2
1 Blessed are all who fear the Lord,
   who walk in obedience to him.
2 You will eat the fruit of your labor;
   blessings and prosperity will be yours.

TTFN and God Bless and Keep You.