Hardest Christmas!!!

Christmas Time is Here!!!

It’s Christmas time. We are less than a month away from Christmas. There are lights everywhere, beauty and good cheer and people are nice to each other.  For many however, Christmas is hard and they want to pass over it. I know how that feels. Truly I do.

Christmas 2011
I had 6 cycles of chemo, fully feeling the effects. Headaches all the time, cold and unable to get warm. Body aches wracked my body and nausea was non stop, if I took my nausea medicine it would make my headache worst so.  Christmas fell in between two chemo treatments. I did not want to celebrate anything about Christmas. We didn’t buy a Christmas tree that year because money was tight. So Mother allowed us to put our ornaments on her tree.

I was sad, afraid, mad, tired and overwhelmed. Christmas was anything but joyful. How did I survive my hardest Christmas??

I surrounded myself with positive people. Because Christmas was sandwiched between chemo, which meant while Jman was at work I was at someone house. Either Mother’s or Jman’s grannies.  Mother did the best she does and helped make Christmas joyful. We did everything we always did. Made snowballs, cookies, cinnamon rolls. We watched Christmas movies and I sat with a blanket and watched my family go out their way to make me smile. At Granny’s, I watched Smallville and snuggled in a blanket while she made me food and cared for me.

Friends took Jman under their wings and took him out to lunch and let him sound off about things. Jman was working nights, so if he was late getting off, they didn’t get mad. Jman made Christmas a priority. A family made sure there was plenty of food for Jman to eat if he was hungry, made sure I had a place if he had to go to work.

Jman and I and Mother decided early on in my treatments that we wouldn’t talk about Chemo until chemo. It sounds silly but my grandparents came up after Christmas and my Grandma wanted to ask about how it made me feel. I just told her we don’t talk about it until it comes. I stood up for my emotions and my stress level. I took Christmas slowly.

I went to Church. My Church family was amazing providing meals and gift cards. They checked in.  They prayed. On Christmas day, I dressed up and attended. It was the reminder I needed. Christmas is not about gifts or cookies. It’s about the love of God and how he sent his only begotten son to save the world and we celebrate it to celebrate Jesus and his wonderful sacrifice. I related to Jesus a lot during my cancer journey. I remember feeling sorry for myself because I ached and was tired of being poked.

Then I remembered that Jesus was beaten before he died, It was a weird moment where I thought that sounded much worse than getting poked. I was reminded Jesus was human, even though he never sinned he was human. He probably stubbed his toe, stepped on rocks and felt the same pains that I did. For the first time during chemo, something was worst than chemo.

Finally, I kept Christmas simple. I did what I could and the other stuff wasn’t important. Family. Friends. And Finally, Christmas is about Jesus and how he saved the world. I don’t remember what I received that year. Being happy is a choice. Smiling is one of the first steps.

Isaiah 9:6
For to us, a child is born,
   to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon[a] his shoulder,
   and his name shall be called[b]
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

TTFN and God Bless and Keep You.

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